


At Least I Got You In My Head

by unemotionalfox



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Akechi is very Gay and Fucked Up, But there will be male Akira here too just so u know, F/F, F/M, Female Akechi Goro, Female Kurusu Akira, I'm in love with fem!Akechi btw she's literally my entire reason for making this series
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-06-10 17:10:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15296184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unemotionalfox/pseuds/unemotionalfox
Summary: Akira handles everyone. Somehow she manages to be a constant support to everyone in her life without being shackled down by their problems. She doesn’t let it cloud her judgement or dictate her life. She supposes that’s partly why she hates her so much. Because while Akira is freedom personified, Akechi is prisoner in her own jail. Built up of hatred and lies, it’s sickening to the core but it feeds her passion for revenge and she finds she can’t dislike it. She feels too much, says too little, and nothing is right within her. She understands how broken and distorted her reality is but what does it matter when she’s so close to success. What does it matter, sacrificing everything to gain that moment when her flesh and blood will stare up at her with fear? She will tear the world apart, and her with it.The good thing about being nothing is that you have nothing to lose either.-Female Akechi Goro ficlets featuring Akira who is sometimes a female and sometimes a male. Really depends on the ficlet.





	1. Tell Me That You Love Me, I'm Undesirable

**Author's Note:**

> Set during Akechi's time with the PTs. Female!Akira as well.
> 
> Happy Birthday Mom, hope u like lesbian feelings as ur present.

Leblanc is deathly silent besides the occasional tapping of someone’s fingers on a phone and Akechi stirring her coffee. The quiet is oppressive and delicate, filling the space between her and the Phantom Thieves.

They’re all here for a Mementos meeting but Akira had somehow forgotten and so now Akechi has to deal with an incredibly awkward situation.

The Phantom Thieves and her aren’t close by any means. She is aware of their dislike for her, no matter how much they try and be civil towards her when in her presence. They aren’t openly active in how they express their distrust; it’s more subtle. Makoto will keep her eyes trained on Akechi anytime Akira is nearby her, Okumura won’t meet her eyes unless absolutely necessary and when it is, it’s always sharp and wary. Sakamoto has to be the most expressive out of all of them, turning his mouth down whenever he catches sight of her and the hostile posture isn’t lost on her either.

She doesn't blame any of them.

Never minding her secret intentions, she had blackmailed the Phantom Thieves into agreeing with her self-indulgent plan. Threatening the exposure of their group was the last straw and she knew no matter how well they worked together within the metaverse, she would never gain their good graces again. Not that she cares. They’re nothing more than tools to her, in the end.

Although their attitude towards her in the metaverse changes, encouraging and even praising her on occasion. She knows it’s because they are forced to put aside their differences for the sake of the team, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult not to feel any ways towards them. Showing off her skills always leaves them in awe and it sends this revolting rush of pride straight to her core, fogging her mind with useless thoughts of a different future. It’s pointless, she understands. However, it doesn’t stop the greed from welling up inside her and the constant begging to just give in for a little while. It’s futile, idiotic, and completely unnecessary but Akechi has always been weak to her emotions.

The happy-go-lucky illusion is always washed away in the end though, with only bitter memories left in their wake. Makoto is back with her distrusting stare and Morgana’s watchful gaze never leaves her. She isn’t new to open hostility and honestly, they’re just pathetic mocks of everything she had endured as a child but every time Okumura gives her that pitying glance whenever she thinks she’s not looking it makes her want to gouge out her eyes. Akechi doesn’t enjoy gruesome murders but the way all of their eyes trail on her makes her want to scream.

The tap, tap, tapping continues and she knows they must all be chatting with each other over text. Probably talking about what a loner she is, how all she does is sit there all pretty like and pretend she’s above everyone when in reality she’s the most unwanted piece of shit ever.

Akechi forces herself to calm her racing heart, biting her tongue until she feels blood well up inside her mouth. She welcomes the pain and lets it wash over her until she can feel herself being brought down into the present. She chews on it and swallows the blood, accepting all the physical hurt if just to relieve herself of the constant mental pain for a few minutes. The first few times she tried this, it hurt so badly she started tearing up but she got addicted to the emptiness in her head and continued. It’s as good as any coping mechanism so Akechi doesn’t see the problem in indulging.

“Enjoying our establishment’s finest coffee I see?”

A finger trails down a strand of her hair and loops it around, tugging playfully. Akechi doesn't have to look behind her to know the shit-eating grin Akira has on her face and she ignores the way a jolt runs up her spine.

It’s not in fear and that’s the worst part.

“The coffee is quite good, I would like a little more though.” She smiles cutely at Akira who’s already tying her apron around her waist.

“Would you please focus on the task at hand, Akechi-kun?” Makoto says with a slight touch of impatience and steel in her voice.

Akechi understands the reasoning for them being here, but she hates how everything she says to her comes off as demeaning. It’s as if she’s looking down upon her, was she doing that this entire time? The woman Akechi looks at now is so entirely different than the pushover she once knew, it’s jarring. It was easy before, when she was easy to provoke, prob at her insecurities, but now that her vision for herself has changed it’s- _uncomfortable_.

As a group it becomes all the more apparent.

She’s never felt that way with anyone before. How easy it seems for them to instead provoke _her_ , prob at  _her_ insecurities. She feels like a worm under their collective microscope, wiggling and squirming to find any means of an escape.

It’s unfair, how everyone within their rebel circle are suddenly finding themselves. Everyone else is so much more stable and level-headed. For what flaws they have as individuals, they make up for as a group. Always a hand on a back, a careful eye. Makoto is right there whenever Okumura looks just the slightest bit uncomfortable, although she manages to pick herself up usually. Sakamoto gets out of hand often although Takamaki is quick to knock some sense into him. Sakura, for how expressive she is, can fall short in moments of fear, but that never lasts long when Morgana and Kitagawa are there as watchful cheerleaders.

Akira handles everyone. Somehow she manages to be a constant support to everyone in her life without being shackled down by their problems. She doesn’t let it cloud her judgement or dictate her life. She supposes that’s partly why she hates her so much. Because while Akira is freedom personified, Akechi is a prisoner in her own jail. Built up of hatred and lies, it’s sickening to the core but it feeds her passion for revenge and she finds she can’t dislike it. She feels too much, says too little, and nothing is _right_ within her. She understands how broken and distorted her reality is but what does it matter when she’s so close to success. What does it matter, sacrificing everything to gain that moment when her flesh and blood will stare up at her with fear? She will tear the world apart, and herself with it.

The good thing about being nothing is that you have nothing to lose either.

“My apologies.” The amount of honey poured into her words is enough to make her sick but she swallows the bile rising her in throat and smashes her teeth together.

“Come on, Makoto. Just one refill, it’ll be quick I promise.” Akira leans over the counter with a pout on her lips and Akechi hates how much she wants to kiss it off.

Makoto relients but Akechi catches the disapproving stare she throws at Akira. She’s obviously trying to hide it but Akechi is the master at masking one’s true emotions. Makoto is certainly trying her hardest but if there’s one thing Akechi has picked up from her time with the Phantom Thieves, it’s that Makoto has a difficult time hiding her emotions, try as she might.

Akechi offers Makoto a sharp smile and it’s then that she catches a glimpse of Okumura sneakily touching Makoto’s hand under the table from where they sit at their booth. Of course, she would try to reel Makoto back in. Don’t do anything drastic, don’t upset the clear outsider here. She understands her position, she had blackmailed them into letting her join their group. Of course they would be wary. However it doesn’t stop the feelings of bitterness that well up inside of her at any sign of affection between the thieves. It’s stupid and foolish but it makes Akechi  _want_ and that’s a more terrifying feeling than anything she’s experienced thus far.

Akechi tears her eyes away from Makoto and Okumura before she can dive deeper into those thoughts. There’s no point in analyzing a feeling that serves no purpose to her cause. It’s meaningless, they’re meaningless, and the whole world would be better off without flimsy feelings chaining them down.

Supporting each other. It’s an asmusing concept.

Akira sets down a steaming cup of coffee in front of her with a teasing smile on her face.

“I put some love into it.” Akira has the audacity to wink and Akechi has to physically restrain herself from wrapping her hands around her neck and _squeezing_.

She thinks she hears Kitagawa murmur something about what an unholy idea it was to ‘put some love into it’ before she delicately brings the cup to her lips and takes a small sip. As always, the coffee is outstanding but there’s a hint of something sweeter beneath the surface. She supposes that’s the ‘love’ Akira mentioned. How funny.

“Good?” Akira leans in too close, invading her personal space. Akechi refuses to back down, no matter how much she wants to flinch away. Instead, she lets a coy smile peek out from the ridge of the cup and looks Akira directly in her eyes.

“Delicious.”

Morgana yells at them to stop their flirting but Akechi barely pays him any mind. This isn’t flirting, it’s the equivalent of a cat playing with its mouse before it devours it. It’s their game that’s been going on ever since they’ve met and by now, Akechi is far too attached to simply leave it be. If Akira is going to twist her way underneath her skin, burrow inside her lungs until all she can breathe is her, then she’s going to aim to do the exact same.

Because when Akira is staring down the barrel Akechi holds, she wants her to know that everything she worked towards was meaningless. All the misguided attempts at getting to know her, all the offers of coffee, all the efforts she’s made to merge Akechi into their group. It all ended up here, with each other on opposite sides and knowing nothing about the other. She wants her to die, along with the pathetic feelings Akechi holds inside herself.

“Okay, time to get back on track. Who do we have on our list?” Makoto says, capturing everyone’s attention.

The cafe buzzes to life with new conversation but Akechi is focused squarely on her coffee cup. There’s no use butting into something she isn’t needed or wanted in.

Akira leans over the counter once more, speaking quietly.

“I know they don’t mean to be that hostile. They’re good people, the situation is just… Difficult.” Akira tries to explain herself but Akechi knows better. It’s fine, she understands.

“I’m under no delusion of what the situation is like, Kurusu. I blackmailed you and your friends into allowing me to join you all, and once our deal is over you will all disband. They have a right to despise me. Their feelings are valid ones.” Akechi feels the corners of her mouth pull up into that plastic smile she hates so much, clearly Akira can see through it as well but she doesn’t say anything. Typical.

“Akechi-”

There’s something almost in the shape of a frown on Akira’s face and Akechi isn’t strong enough to dive into the meaning behind it. She doesn’t see the point in carrying this conversation on any longer when everything they could possibly say has already been said. With a swift turn she focuses her attention on the rest of the Phantom Thieves and aims to ignore the weight in her stomach.

Akechi can still feel Akira’s gaze burning on her back hours later.

She forces herself to pretend it doesn’t mean anything.


	2. This Is Where I Belong, So Take Me By the Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Shadows loom closer and the crazed eyes of her mirror invite death to her doorstep. With a small gasp and a hand clutched to her side, she forces herself to embrace the cold waters and Akira’s happy smile once more. When she dies, she wants it to be on her own terms, with the person she cares for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically Akechi death scene but with more hetero and angst.

It feels redundant to explore the possibilities of what could have been.

 

Especially now, when she recognizes there is no logical way out of her situation. She's dug herself her own grave and now there is nothing more to do than to accept it.

 

Though, she finds herself surprised at how little she minds this turn of events. Of course, there's a large part of her that despises how easily her plan had been seen through and taken down, but despite that, in between all her thoughts of her failures, these last moments of hers had brought a clarity like she's never experienced before. She has to at least acknowledge that in her defeat, a million little things have come into light. Parts of her she pushed back into the depths of her mind, molding over and crumbling, are still there thriving off the hope she holds deep within herself.

 

She's been a puppet from the very beginning, as her cognitive herself had sneered to her. She understands this. Honestly, it was absolutely unsurprising and painfully clear, looking back on it. She knew, and still she let herself be fooled by her own twisted desires of what she could possibly accomplish.

 

Less than quiet voices- however muffled they are- seep through the steel wall and break Akechi out of her thoughts. Even in her final moments she can’t get any rest from the _oh so heroic_ Phantom Thieves. She told them her request, asked Akira to follow through with it. Why are they still here? When they pleaded with her, offered her an out, she didn’t possess the capability to accept. Now, when she’s as good as dead, she can say they don’t need her. It was painfully apparent how well they worked together as a group, and how little she fit in. She knows they’ll be okay. They’re tough and they’ve got each other’s backs. It’s something she would’ve never admitted to before, but she doesn’t exactly have the dignity or strength to deny it any longer.

 

Her cognitive self stares back at her with fury from where it’s crouched on the ground. Its facial expressions are twisted in the most exaggerated way that make it uncomfortable to look at. She's glad she got one shot at the fucking thing. It's just a terrible reminder of how Shido truly thought of her.

 

She knows reality is bleak. It has nothing of value to offer her, so why does she continue to fight to stay in it. There are Shadows watching from the sidelines, waiting to tear into her. She won't give them the satisfaction. She’ll die by her own hand, cognitive or not. It’s a morbidly ironic and fitting end for the famous detective. It must be some sort of twisted fate.

 

However, there's still a nagging feeling in the back of her mind begging her to let go, just a little. She doesn't have that much time left anyway. It shouldn't hurt to yield to her fantasies for the minute she has remaining.

 

Before, she had always unwillingly and painfully dreamt of this one dream that without fail, had her waking up with dried tear tracks. It used to annoy her, just another sign of weakness and feelings she couldn't afford to let show. She supposes it's only fitting that she let that fantasy take hold of her now. She doesn't have time to daydream in full, not with the precious seconds she has left, but she allows herself to breathe in the salt off the air and water, and finally lets herself fall.

 

Akira is there to catch her like always, he scoops her up and spins her around, so she’ll cling to him in the way he likes. It's never out of fear, but because she knows he likes it so much; she indulges him more than she should. It makes him smile, all carefree and wonderful. It's how she imagines it to look like anyway. She knows the real Akira would never smile like that for her.

 

It's warm, with the heat coming off of his skin and the sun beaming down on the two of them.

 

They swim together, holding each other close through the strong waves knocking them down, and the softer ones that gently sway them side to side. It's peaceful and slow and yet her heart aches as if it could burst with happiness.

 

Is it supposed to feel this painful now?

 

The Shadows loom closer and the crazed eyes of her mirror invite death to her doorstep. With a small gasp and a hand clutched to her side, she forces herself to embrace the cold waters and Akira’s happy smile once more. When she dies, she wants it to be on her own terms, with the person she cares for.

 

It's her paradise, the one sanctuary amidst the fires of hell. It's her luxury she can't afford, her forbidden apple just out of reach. It wasn't meant for her, never meant for her, but she's horrible and selfish and so craves what she cannot have.

 

It's her terrifying daydream and beautiful nightmare.

 

She doesn't bother to look at the _why nots_ and _what ifs_. It's pointless to wonder and it only leaves her hurting. These fantasies are more or less the same but she knows they’re just that- fantasies. They aren't supposed to happen in reality, they exist within the realm of her own mind.

 

They’ll die in it too.

 

Maybe it's reassuring, to know they’ll never come back to the front of her brain, covered in pastel colours, oh so temptingly. They’ve offered her countless unfair attempts to right her wrongs and she's finally done with it.

 

It's time to pay her dues.

 

She wishes she could hold Akira’s hand right now, because for all the lives she’s taken and for how much she doesn't regret this- will never regret this- she's scared. She knows she doesn't have the right to feel this way though. So she pretends and forces the daydream to become clearer.

 

She can feel Akira’s arms around her and it feels good to believe, to give in and put all her hope and wishes into truly thinking he cares for her, no matter how false it is.

 

The sand is crunching beneath her toes, and his lips are soft on hers. The sun bathes them in light and she's as happy as she could be.

 

She's lived with lies her entire life, what's one more?

 

She opens her mouth to bare words she can't hear. Aims her gun, breathes in the salt of the ocean, feels Akira’s warmth, and fires.

 

The bullet rips through her chest but his arms are tight around her and it helps numb the pain.

 

The cries of the ones she’s betrayed are drowned out by the cries of the seagulls flying above her. They’re going to some place she doesn't know and quietly hopes it’s better than where she’s heading.

 

Akira squeezes her hand. She squeezes back, as she feels her limbs in reality grow heavier.

 

She knows she won't be the one to own a special place in Akira’s heart, she’s never even rented one. Everything was forged, fake, but there's nothing to hide anymore. Feelings of love and life overwhelm her dying body, too much to hold. Her numbing brain sputters and fails. She just hopes he can be happy now. It's probably the most selfless thought she’s ever had.

 

She understands that Akira will never love her, he’ll never see her as someone who could’ve been something to him, someone worth a spot in his life. She doesn't deserve that much.

 

Blood stains her chest and wet tracks make their way down her cheeks. It's a hassle to try and peer through the blurry haze so she closes her eyes.

 

She's at the beach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like shuake fics that end with Akechi dying idk is that morbid.


	3. Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was never meant to be anything more than a lowly worm always trying to keep afloat. She is a being made to be hated, made to suffer by the others in her life. She does not rise to the top, she does not radiate light, she does not spread goodness to the world around her. She sucks it in and eats it up. That is her fate, her destiny. It is who she is. 
> 
> She is the devil inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the relationship between Rika and V from Mystic Messenger.

Akechi shouldn’t be here.

 

She shouldn’t, and yet here she is, waiting alone in Leblanc with her legs gracefully crossed and her hands poised perfectly around her coffee cup. She must resemble a picture of precise composure. However, she knows one misstep and her entire structure will come crumbling down for all to see.

 

She’s more delicate these days and the realization makes her want to dig her nails into her skull and _pull_.

 

Akechi knows it was Akira who made her this way. Akira, with her steady and safe smile, open arms, and forgiving eyes. She had softened her into this weak, ugly, breakable thing that doesn’t know her sense of self anymore.

 

Akechi has no control over the millions of thoughts racing through her mind anymore. All the possibilities and conflicting feelings spiral, pulling and tearing her this way and that. Before, it was so easy to repress all the unnecessary garbage filling her head, but now it’s all there to see in its deformed glory. She can feel each of her disgusting emotions and mindless thoughts that terrorize her. They want her to get up and leave before Akira comes, they want her to cement herself to the chair and wait, they want her to mold her entire being around Akira, and they want her to put an end to this sick delusion Akira has.

 

There’s not enough time to gain the courage to pick any of these though. The bell rings above the door and she’s swiftly engulfed in the thick fog Akira brings with her. It’s heavy and it instantly makes her want to vomit. Still, she has an appearance to keep up.

 

“Welcome home.”

 

Akechi makes her voice sickly sweet and grates that faux smile into place. She doesn’t look up, choosing instead to focus her attention on her coffee so she doesn’t have to hear Akira walk up to her. Every step she takes makes Akechi want to claw at her skin until she sees bone. It’s torture being near her, but it’s also torture being away from her. She hates this stupid, sick codependent mentality but she can’t change it, can she? It’s merged completely with her entire being and there’s no use in digging it out now.

 

Akira stops right behind Akechi and like a snake, slithers her arms around Akechi’s waist until she has trouble breathing.

 

“Honey, I’m home,” Akira whispers into the top of her head.

 

Akechi holds herself still, only turning her head aside so Akira can bury her face into her neck. Akira loves to smother it with kisses and sniff her hair while she’s at it. Akechi calls her weird the first time she does this but she only smiles and says it smells like cinnamon.

 

Akira trails her lips around her ear- bites it.

 

“Where’s Sojiro?”Akira asks.

 

“He went to see Futaba since she’s sick. I told him you would be coming soon so he can take his time.”

 

Akira nods and releases Akechi from her restricting hold. She welcomes the cold chill against her skin but she still misses the unbearable warmth Akira radiates. Every touch from her feels like fire and Akechi worries one day she’ll really burn her to death.

 

Akira stands back, casually resting against the bar but there’s an air of seriousness to her. Akechi knows what she’s here for, what she, herself is here for. Avoiding is a wonderful and useful thing until it isn’t feasible anymore.

 

“So, you want to tell me why you’ve been avoiding me for the past two weeks?”

 

Akechi’s stomach turns at her words.

 

At first, Akira had been a ray of light in Akechi’s otherwise dim world and like a fool she had been captured by it. Akira’s radiance and brilliance felt so otherworldly to Akechi, she couldn’t help but flutter closer like a moth to a flame.

 

It had been Akechi’s downfall. With persistence and patience Akira had managed to bury herself underneath Akechi’s skin until all she could taste was her _salvation_. Akechi let herself fall vulnerable before her and Akira took the opportunity to reach for something inside of Akechi and _twist_ it just in time for her to stop herself from firing a bullet into Akira’s skull.

 

Akira had provided safety and support- love. She had adopted Akechi into her group of friends and with time they had grown to accept her as one of them. She had allowed their false words to soothe her soul and mend her wounds, believing she could truly be redeemed.

 

For a while it had worked. Akechi felt herself ‘improve’ and she lit up inside when Akira praised her. Akechi was happy with her own ignorance but the devil inside of her was not. It crawled around inside her lungs, tearing the air out and filling it with her fear and doubt. It kept filling it, stuffing it over and over until she was up to the brim with all those horrible negative thoughts she kept locked in her head. They spoke to her late at night in Akira’s arms, whispering words of hate and anger. They were feeling suffocated by Akira’s light and they needed to be released.

 

Akechi started to listen. Learn.

 

She was never meant to be anything more than a lowly worm always trying to keep afloat. She is a being made to be hated, made to suffer by the others in her life. She does not rise to the top, she does not radiate light, she does not spread goodness to the world around her. She sucks it in and eats it up. That is her fate, her destiny. It is who she is.  

 

 _She_ is the devil inside.

 

And Akira is trying to kill it.

 

Akechi carefully laces her hands together and give Akira a polite smile. It doesn’t matter if it’s dripping in poison.

 

“I wasn’t avoiding you. I sent you texts-"

 

“A few words don’t suffice as proper communication, sorry,” Akira says, cutting her off sharply. “So, do you want to tell me yourself or do I have to ask Tae?”

 

It’s an empty threat but it makes Akechi dig her nails into her palms anyway.

 

Akira had introduced Akechi to Takami Tae a few weeks ago, when it became apparent that she ‘needed to talk to someone’, according to Akira. Despite Akechi’s initial refusal and Akira’s infuriating patience, she had attended the first session a couple of days later.

 

Tae is kind and understanding underneath her hard exterior, although she doesn’t like to admit so. She doesn’t judge when filth comes out of Akechi’s mouth and she doesn’t ask too many questions about her background. To sum it up, Tae the perfect person to vent her undesirable feelings to and she isn’t about to allow Akira to witness any of them.

 

“Even if you’re friends with her, she’s still a professional; she won’t tell you anything unless I give her my consent.” Akechi tries to make her tone more pleasant but she can practically feel the hostility laced in.

 

Akechi tries to keep herself still but every fibre of her being is on edge. She feels cornered with Akira just staring at her like she’s analyzing her every move. Akira can’t possibly know, right? She can’t know Akechi is a horrible, disgusting _thing_ who can’t flourish in her light but can’t survive without it either. Her thoughts are eating away at her with every beat of silence that passes and she think the ticking of the clock might drive her insane.

 

A few more moments pass before Akira takes Akechi’s hands within hers and brings them up to her mouth to kiss. It’s a sappy gesture and Akechi might appreciate it if she weren’t so focused on not ripping her hands away.

 

“I understand if you don’t want to talk to me about it right now… I won’t force you to. I don’t want you to feel pressured into it,” Akira says, thumbing at Akechi’s knuckles, probably hoping to soothe her. “I’m just glad you’re talking to Tae. But when you’re ready, I’m here okay? We all are.”

 

It’s fucking stupid when Akechi actually hears it come out of her mouth. It’s cliche like a teen drama and she fights not to roll her eyes. She can’t believe Akira actually means what she’s saying, but the look in her eyes says she does. They’re soft and open, vulnerable. Perhaps that’s why Akechi can’t hate her like she used to. Instead, she’s trapped in this ugly mess of a thing, constantly on the verge of both extremes. Love and hate dictate her life and she misses the days when she could shut out the light.

 

Now, Akira touches Akechi so gently she feels it tearing her up from the inside. Fire spreads from Akira’s skin to hers and if she concentrates hard enough she can almost feel her hands blistering up. It’s the consequence for being affiliated with someone as bright as Akira, someone Akechi was never met to be connected to.

 

“I want to stop talking about this, please,” Akechi says, biting the last word out.

 

Akira nods. It’s obvious she doesn’t want to let the conversation drop but she’s so considerate of Akechi’s feelings, she doesn’t want to push her any further than she’s willing to go.

 

“Okay. Just remember what I said?”

 

It’s fucking annoying.

 

Akechi doesn’t want Akira to be so considerate of her when she’s slowly breaking her devil apart at the same time. Akechi knows Akira doesn’t see this but that doesn’t stop the surge of rage coursing through her. She spouts all these bullshit lines on how Akechi is changing and improving but it’s all a lie. She’s not becoming a better person, if anything she’s growing more detached from the people she’s supposed to care for. Akira regularly preaches about the importance of bonds but she doesn’t care anymore. They are unnecessary strings that tie her down to false hopes.

 

However, she may not need others but she does need Akira to survive. She’s the angel to Akechi’s devil, the light to her darkness. She knows you need each other, lest you two crumble into ash before the world.

 

Akira lets go of her hands and looks towards the door. Akechi can’t believe she’s actually thinking about leaving her alone with these terrible thoughts consuming her entire being. She doesn’t need to talk, she needs something physical, where she doesn’t have to listen to Akira go on about friendship and support and _redemption._ She needs Akira to finally let loose from all the chains holding her down. She needs a good distraction from all the shit in her life. She needs someone to break her so she can get back up even stronger.

 

“That doesn’t mean I want you to leave. Sojiro isn’t back yet. We still have time.”

 

Akechi purposefully trails a hand across the bar to meet hers and she twines their fingers together. Akira looks up at her surprised, but she gives her credit for not snatching her hand away.

 

“Do you want to…?” Akira leaves the question opened ended, _considerate_ as always. It leaves a nasty taste in her mouth now. She’ll want to wash it out with something else.

 

Akechi smiles at her. It’s wide and filthy and it feels good to not care about her actions for once in her life.

 

It looks like Akira is going to say something else so Akechi yanks at her jacket to crush her lips against hers. Akira winces when their teeth clash together, messy and dirty and _painful_ but Akechi relishes in it. Akira’s hands find their way underneath Akechi’s shirt to smooth over her stomach while Akechi prefers to drag her nails against any part of Akira’s skin she can reach.

 

“I want it _hard,_ so don’t hold back on me,” Akechi says, pulling back from Akira’s panting mouth.

 

Maybe she’s a little fucked up, so what? She’s tired of being composed and polite, always sucking up to adults and kissing ass. _This_ is so much better, to truly accept this devil as herself and to have someone complete her in such a way. Let Akira try and kill her devil, let her try to rip it from her lungs where all her tears and disgusting matter lies. Let her see how undeniably ruined she is, let her see how she made her into this.

 

It feels freeing to admit how much Akira terrifies Akechi. She shakes and quivers in her presence because her devil knows it’s so close to its demise. Akira holds so much power over her. She holds the power to break her and put her back together, to tear her apart and to worship her with love. But that’s fine with her because-

 

Akechi holds the exact same power over Akira.

 

When Akira grabs underneath Akechi’s thighs to pick her up and push her on the bar, she can only smile. Her back is bruising and her lungs ache for air but she feels so _good._  She thinks she would be fine if she suffocated like this, with Akira’s mouth on hers and her nails digging into her flesh.

 

Akechi tilts her head back from where she lays on the bar, letting Akira tear into her clothing. She can feel the hot fire of Akira’s fingers burn into her skin from where she spreads her legs wide and she can barely muffle a cry before her mouth is on her.

 

Akechi can’t believe she had went so long without experiencing this.

 

Akechi’s hands grab at Akira’s hair, pulling her closer and then trapping her head with her legs. She can feel pin pricks where her nails have dug into her thighs, Akira’s hands rub at them, making them ache with fresh pain.

 

Akechi’s mind floats with every lick, every suck, every bite on her body. Akira is so, so good at this, tracing her tongue around her, and in her until she’s sobbing. Akira doesn’t ask if she’s okay or if she had too much. There’s no need for unnecessary questions; they're both well aware Akechi will take anything Akira gives her.

 

Akechi can feel herself drenching the bar beneath her, a puddle of wetness accumulates in between her legs and she softly laughs thinking about the mess she’s made.

 

Apparently, Akira takes this as a invitation to mess her up even more because in the next moment she’s bringing her back on her feet and shoving her face first in her own filth. Akira mouths and bites at her neck while repeatedly shoving her fingers inside of Akechi. She can barely hear the words Akira whispers into her skin before her ears start ringing and she’s spasming around Akira’s hand. She grips the bar with weak fingers and sob quietly, still pushing her hips back.

 

It’s only when Akira lets her hold on Akechi go and she drops to the floor that she realizes how completely disgusting she must look.

 

“Thank you,” Akechi croaks out.

 

“You’re welcome. But ah, I’m going to keep these,” she holds up a pair of pink panties balled in her fist. “Punishment for not talking to your girlfriend.”

 

Akechi wants to strangle her, embed her nails into her neck until it bleeds. She wants to chain Akira’s heart and soul to hers completely and utterly. She wants to torture her devil with praise and kindness. She wants to see the horror in Akira’s eyes once she realizes exactly what she has done to her. She want to shove all unwanted pests to the side until all that remains are them, trapped within their own world of extremes.

 

“You really can’t get rid of me now,” Akechi says as she smiles at her, leaning up to plant a sweet kiss on her lips.

 

“I don’t plan to.”

 

She’s destined for demise at the hands of love and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God. It's so fucking late so I'll edit this better in the morning. I just had to get this out because I've literally been working on this for about 2 months now wtf and I'm still not 100% with it.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a series so it will be continued. They're just ficlets tho, so there isn't an order to this.


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